i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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