i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
