My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
