I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Randomize
