I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
where am i from again
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Randomize
