The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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