I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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