i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
