i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
