hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
