My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
