Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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