Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
