would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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