My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
