my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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