WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
