i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
