too bad you live with your parents still
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
