i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
