im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Green mimosas i think yes
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
