Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
