i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
My penis needs a shock collar
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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