I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
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