My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
