i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
