I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
