Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
