Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
