you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
