how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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