just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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