Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
