Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
