She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
you didnt know i had herpes?
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
