I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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