i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
