just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
