Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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