and i looked up. we had an audience...
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
