And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
