ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize