Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Randomize
