Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
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That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
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I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
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