On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
3 2 1 whiskey
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
