if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
