Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Randomize
