When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
