dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
