They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
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