She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
