You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize