no, he came in my armpit
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
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