Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
No subtext here. People are naked.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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