On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
