Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
