Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
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