she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
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