I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
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