wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
