Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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