I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Randomize
