My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Your cock deserves a montage
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
