well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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