Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Randomize
