Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
