does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
try to milk me bitch
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