So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
you would pick up someone in the library
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
