Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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