you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
