just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
