just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
